When you think you have it all figured out, you discover that you are only beginning to understand what this life is all about. I have reached a point of monotonousness in my life and crave for a new energy, a new challenge, an awakening something that I can be excited about. I need to break free from the routine. Sometimes it feels as if I have achieved something, but when I really look, I'm still at the same spot. Nothing much has changed. I dream of my past and think of all the decisions I've made and wonder if my choices have led me to this stagnant place or is it the lack of me not making any decisions. But one side of me is glad to be where I am right now. After all the drama I have had over the last year, things have calmed down and I am glad to have some consistency. But I think I have arrived at a place where consistency and predictability have reached the same point and I need to start turning this wheel in the direction that makes me happy and excited.

The Rabbit and the Tortoise

You see... I’m just a simple girl with simple needs...ok that doesn’t sound right let's start again.

You see I was just a simple girl with simple needs living a really simple life and right now id give my all to be that naive girl who saw the best in everyone. And then BANG Jozi life happened and changed all of that.

Growing up in the Free State, well mostly ko Qwa-qwa and a high school border in Bloem, was the best time of my life. Bophelo ba hae is just something that Jo'burgers will never understand. The lesson about the rabbit and the tortoise comes to mind when I think about these two cities.

Jozi (our beloved rabbit) is fast paced. Energetic. Vibrant. Yet also runs way too fast to notice the flowers along the track. I love Jozi. People flock to the city to find success and fame. Some make it and others don’t make out at all. You need to keep your eyes wide open (I guess eating a lot of carrots will help Jozi-bugs bunnies). Watch your back. Lock your door with six locks and get a rottweiler on the front porch just incase. Jozi people are open and accepting, they will also waste no time to tell you exactly what they think about you. In Jozi you get fast girls, fast guys, and fast friends and through the filtering process maybe you just might find a friend who won’t stab you in the back and take your man. I guess Jozi is the best teacher of life you understand the lesson first time around and move on. Jozi has no time for mopers. What I still don’t get about Jozi people is why they are all quick to ditch their culture in return for Jozi culture. People don’t greet each other in the taxi, at the Home Affairs queue or at bus stop. We all want to learn to speak Zulu, I guess it is the language of most taxi drivers and some commonness with them goes a long way. Jozi is a brewing calabash of culture, overflowing. Theatres, art galleries, flea markets, a wide selection of malls to choose from and crazy party scene. So much to do, so little time. Besides the hard crust, Jozi is really warm and soft on the inside.

Qwa-qwa is ok... But Bloem (my loving tortoise), oh Bloem is on another tip. I wish I had more that 2 bad things to mention about Bloem but there is only one issue I know ow which i have learnt to overlook. I hate to discriminate but eish most of the Mevrous and Meneers of Bloem are still stuck on their ways and though they may be sweet you can always tell that there is still that superiority that seeps through the toothy grin. But you know besides that, in Bloem one has quality of life. Yes there may not be any big-shot companies that pay as well as Jozi companies do, but there is quality of life. there's the good strangers that will chat to you (and not in an invading Jozi way), the friendly taxi drivers who you can have a decent conversation with, the careful drivers and no bumper-to-bumper situations. Life is easy. No rush. Things happen as and when they should. And just as the tortoise, Bloem always wins the race of life. Your chances of making it out alive are much greater than living in Jozi. Lenyalo o tla le thola cos most of the girls and guys there are still honest and faithful and pleasant. Ok maybe I'm a bit naive but i'd say 60% of them are keepers. Burglar bars and two locks on your door will give you a good nights' sleep and a Labrador at your bedside makes a good friend. In Bloem people are people. They are not pretentious, they will tell you like it is but in a good way and that's when you know you have found yourself a really good friend. My life-long friend comes from Bloem and she is my best critic ever. We have been friends for just over twelve years now. Bloem is the kind teacher that teaches you to live more and appreciate things with a more heightened sensitivity. Did I mention how clean the air is... it's so clear you can actually see the stars at night. Everyone knows everyone so the parties really come alive and even Jozi people will tell you stories of how they drove out all the way to some HOTT party or a really great event. Theatres, art galleries, rose parks, flea markets, great restaurants and the best company.

I’m thinking of leaving Jozi end of the year and go back home. The hustle life is a bit much for me and I've lived it for about 7yrs now. Been there, done that, got my heart, my wallet and my cellphone ripped out. I need a serious break. And Bloem is just the rehab I need. But as soon as I feel that ambitious, go-getter in me gasp for air, I'll be right back to old beloved Jozi.

Time

Time...

I cant believe it has been two years since my last post and since then too many things have happened. I feel like i have aged more than the actual years that have passed. Love lost, drama, anger, resentment, and now searching for myself again.

Why does it seem that when we take two steps forward towards what we think is right, the universe somehow stops us on our 'destined path' to another route that we would have not necessarily took. Strange that what we think is what we want, is really not even close to what we deserve.

And during this journey of searching so much time is invested, so much emotion, dedication. Time wasted... hopefully not.

But for some reason it seems i cant seem to completely comprehend that at this age I'm back to searching for Mr. Almost Right. After 5 years of dedicating my life to someone who never had any intention of being my lifetime partner. I guess time is the best teacher after all.

It was during this 5 years that i learned to loose myself, and be completely absorbed into someone else. And time has taught me to hold on to my authentic self and learn to keep my individualism.

Some tough lessons learnt and time took me back and forward until i grasped what lessons i needed to learn in order to grow.

From now on I'm gonna keep my finger on the pulse, watch every minute, second that goes by and appreciate each moment.

Time....